Honey, you need to have more confidence and trust in your abilities. Low Self-Esteem Don’t be too hard on yourself. Have you ever heard such words or told them to someone close to you to cheer you up? No matter how good the intentions are, for someone with low self-esteem, these are the last words they would ever want to hear.
Are you wondering, then, how to support a person with SharekAlomre low self-esteem? Or maybe low self-esteem affects you? Read on and see what you can do in each of these situations!
What influences our self-esteem?
Our feelings and thoughts about ourselves change every day, depending on our experiences – exam grade, nice meeting, conflict with partner, friends, success or failure at work. Everything influences how we feel and how we judge ourselves, what we say or think about ourselves.
For someone with stable self-esteem, daily life challenges may contribute to temporary fluctuations in well-being – but only to a limited extent. However, people with low self-esteem may, to a large extent, feel even the smallest adversities that stand in their way, and everyday life challenges can cause significant mood swings, high stress or anxiety.
The essence of self-esteem in life and relationship – key elements
According to the definitions of researchers of the issue (eg Claudia A. Howard), self-esteem is a realistic, accurate, stable, friendly and honest self-image.
Key elements of stable self-esteem / self-esteem:
- self-awareness– that is, organizing knowledge about oneself along with the change of negative narrative about oneself;
- self-care– both on an emotional and physical level; understanding the key areas for happiness and balance in family and work life;
- self-respect– knowing your core values and boundaries and being able to protect them;
- self-acceptance and development– distinguishing between areas where changes are possible and those where it is not possible;
- self-love– with the special ability to forgive the past for oneself and for others.
What is the reason of low self-esteem?
We are all born with healthy self-esteem, but it is not constant. Childhood experiences are especially important in its further shaping – sustaining or understating. These childhood experiences that strengthen self-esteem include learning to listen, respectful conversation, respecting different boundaries, showing attention and affection, recognizing and accepting mistakes, and celebrating success. For a SharekAlomre.com change, harsh criticism, emotional, physical, sexual violence, perfectionism, excessive expectations, ridicule, and lack of respect for limits are experiences that significantly lower self-esteem in adulthood.
However, even if you have reached adulthood with healthy self-esteem, it can also be undermined by ill health, divorce, job loss, weight gain, etc.
Low self-esteem in a relationship – how does it manifest?
When you think that you are not good enough or that you are uninteresting, worthless, unattractive, you open the door to many more negative experiences in your life, such as:
- increased levels of stress and anxiety;
- cutting off, isolating from others, and avoiding loneliness at all costs;
- enormous stress in the event of mistakes;
- compulsive behavior / cutting off one’s emotions (overeating, watching TV, workaholism, partying, etc.);
- comparing to others / feeling worse than others;
- fear of expressing one’s opinion;
- not feeling joy and meaning in your life.
Low Self-esteem – How Does It Affect Your Relationship?
Are there specific signs you should be aware of in your relationship? Yes! Go through the list below with empathy, without judging, analyze both your own and your loved ones’ behavior. I have not listed all the behaviors here, but I have selected a few of the most characteristic of people with low self-esteem.
- Dependency on approval, not from partner, but from other people. It also includes flirting to confirm attractiveness, gain attention, and admiration.
- The constant need to prove to oneself and to the whole world one’s strength and own achievements under the guise of ambition. I’m not saying that wanting to achieve something is bad. However, it is worth honestly answering the question of what is the main motivation. Most often it is an attempt to create a life that proves its worth.
- Great jealousy and insecurity about other men or women.
- Living in the past with reflection and guilt over losing opportunities or choices. No action in the present to fix the mistakes.
- Living in the future, always waiting for the time when you will be happy – the right money, achievements, relationship will come. No concrete action in the present.
- Reluctance to declare and commit– but the main motive is fear of failure or rejection. Most people with low self-esteem at a deep level don’t believe they deserve love, don’t believe in themselves or their potential, or that they can build a good, harmonious relationship.
- Feeling satisfied at the sight of the suffering you cause – sometimes your self-esteem is so shaken in someone that only the suffering of the other person proves him / her that it is important to that person.
I am not listing any of the features described here to justify anyone, but to help you understand certain mechanisms of actions – both yours and your partner’s. Noticing a problem is always the first step towards change!
Low self-esteem in a relationship – how to love yourself?
For someone with low self-esteem, self-love is often a rather abstract concept and is treated as an addition rather than a necessity.
What is self-love anyway?
Simply put, self-love is a state of well-being, which is based on taking care of yourself in the physical, spiritual and emotional field . Self-love gives you greater tolerance, confidence, compassion, forgiveness, and a healthy way of thinking about yourself and then about others. You stop worrying about what the world thinks about you, and you don’t need to be a victim. Wondering how to get started? Preferably from the physical sphere (nutrition, sleep), and then introduce at least a 15-minute breathing practice – pay attention to what is happening inside you.
What can you do next?
How to fight low self-esteem?
Be your best friend. Realize that you are with yourself 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Change the way you perceive your flaws or bad experiences. In other words, instead of seeing your sadness, anger, fear, guilt, and jealousy as a curse, use them as an opportunity to grow and reflect on what is happening inside you.
Self-esteem – How to help a partner who has low self-esteem?
Helping a loved one with low self-esteem can be difficult. You can’t magically make her feel good about herself. All you can do is support her on her own journey of self-discovery. Here are some tips:
- Be a good friend, which doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything. It only means creating a space to talk freely and express feelings without fear of judgment.
- Try not to say how to think and what or how to do.
- Remember, you are a friend / partner / partner, not a therapist!
- Don’t accept any abuse. A partner with low self-esteem may be negative or offensive towards you. Remember that you are under no obligation to help someone who treats you in a painful way – physically, verbally, emotionally or otherwise. Low self-esteem does not give you the right to be cruel.
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Low self-esteem cannot be corrected overnight. Nobody has a consistent level of self-esteem. Life’s challenges can test even the strongest in this area. Building and maintaining self-esteem is a lifelong process. Stress, setbacks, tragedies and the chaos of life sometimes make you feel as though you are taking two steps forward and one step back. Regardless of your pace, however, you gain strength and learn invaluable lessons, even if the path is not the easiest.